Chapter 3. What are the deal makers and deal breakers in relationships?

 

You have probably realized by now that there is not a perfect way for a couple to approach finances. Your goals should focus on finding a middle ground, as you both keep an open mind and discuss various approaches until you settle on a strategy that works for both of you. You should know your financial deal makers and deal breakers, but there are some steps you have to follow before. 

 

How to

Before you list your financial deal makers and deal breakers, follow these steps:

    1. State negotiable and non-negotiable financial needs.
    2. Choose to either collaborate or divide financial tasks to find a mutually satisfying approach to tackling finances.

The process is not quick, straightforward, or easy if values, attitudes, and personalities differ between the partners. If you value planning, saving, and investing and your partner values spending and taking financial risks, you are both heading toward a long financial journey filled with anxiety and tribulations (that is unless one of you is willing to cross over to the other side of the aisle).

 

relationship_deal.png

 

Hence, the process is to start with negotiation, followed by a declaration of what is a deal maker, and what is a deal breaker in joining your financial lives. Here are some topics of discussion to help you reach consensus with your partner prior to making any financial decisions:

  • What does money mean to you?
  • What is your money personality?
  • What are your financial priorities?
  • How do you make financial decisions?
  • What is your ideal financial life?
  • What are your financial expectations for yourself?
  • What are your financial expectations for your partner?
  • How do you overcome financial hardships?
  • What do you value most in your financial life?
  • How willing are you to adapt to make your relationship works?

There are other assessment questions depending on your personal situation to help you articulate your financial list of deal makers and deal breakers that you can discuss with your partner, but this exercise is successful only if both are willing to start from a loving, honest point of origin. The earlier you recognize your deal makers and breakers, the better off your relationship will be from a financial perspective. This is no different than discussing other personal preferences in a relationship, except that people tend to avoid the dollar signs in all other conversations. "Showing your hand" is the best ingredient you can add to a successful relationship. 

 

Practice

Now that you know how to declare and recognize your financial deal makers and breakers, think of paying it forward and discuss your experiences with a friend or a family member.

 

Congratulations! You can move on to Chapter 4. Money secrets and financial infidelity

To review the full module on Money and relationships, click here.